Negotiations

Hey all,

One day Head Romanian offered me a body, as he thought he could lose one from grading and I could use one for the more physical job of making pallets.  Prompted by Canada, I requested Big Kiwi.  Romanian laughed (dry, humourless, evil: fingernails scraping across a blackboard in hell) and shook his head.  He offered me Short Posh Boy.  I stared at him until his conscience got the better of him (he is almost certainly a vampire, sans soul, so you can imagine the stare necessary). Forklift driver watched on as negotiations proceeded, laughing his Scottish Laugh.  Finally we compromised on me taking Tall Posh Boy, both of us walking away feeling like, while we had not got the better of each other, at least we had not been completely screwed.

Not that this stopped him from trying again, the creature – he attempted to steal Canada a week later, leaving me with Tall Posh Boy instead – the initial offer might have been part of a long range plot to do just this.  Using language that I would describe to my Grandmother as “vigorous,” I suggested that this was not going to happen.  He responded by ordering Canada to follow him.  Canada started to.  I shouted at Canada to stop.  Canada stopped.  Using even more vigorous language I told Head Romanian Vampire to pull his head in: there were plenty of stakes nearby and I could always drag him into the sun (if it ever came out again) or put garlic in his water bottle and make his head explode.  Attempting to ignore me, he again ordered Canada to follow him.  I shouted at Canada to stop (again), which he did (again), not entirely sure whether to be amused or annoyed at the situation.  He said that he really didn't mind going with Vampire if it would cause less conflict.  Using slightly less vigorous language I stated that the amount of conflict that was being caused was not the point, nor was the fact that he didn't mind being kidnapped by this creepy slouching villain: the only thing that mattered was the shameless theft he was attempting to perpetrate in broad daylight.  Finally Forklift Driver got involved, told Vampire sternly not to break up the team and then shouted at Tall Posh Boy for a long while, making all kinds of dire threats, which was a bit unfair because it was one of the few times Tall Posh Boy was completely blameless, merely standing there ready to do whatever he was told.

When TPB noted this injustice afterwards I asked him if he had ever worked in a place like this before, to which he responded (quite obviously): “No.”  Showing my kind, compassionate, fatherly side, I noted that when you get a reputation as a “F***ing useless rude lazy c***” in the first couple of days it takes months to get rid of, regardless of what you do and that he would just have to shut up and cop it because of that.  He seemed to take this on the chin pretty well, which I took as an encouraging sign of emotional growth.  Canada pleased with whole situation: “You overpowered Head Romanian.”  Approving nod.  Poland looked on, mystified.

Photos.  1.  On my birthday I asked Boss if we could grab a couple of Pheasants.  Sure.  “And when I say 'a couple' I mean 'five,'” I added.  Silence.  I pointed out it was my birthday, we wanted to have a dinner, it would be bad to make the Pole, or one of the Kiwis, sit in the corner and starve, sad and alone, or worse still ruin my birthday, here in a strange country, without family and friends, afraid for my future.  A sigh.  “Fine.  Get five then.”  Here are all the Pheasant breasts, cut in half, wrapped in bacon, and roasted.  2.  A truck being dragged in to shed by tractor.  Even this became impossible the next day, and the trees were eventually dragged out of plantation on huge trailers by tractors to the transport company's loading yard, 10 miles away.  3, 4.  Frozen Hell does have its moments.  Sunset shot taken at 3:30 PM.

Cheers, B.