Escape from Edinburgh

Hey all,

Finally escaped Christmas Tree farm after a lift from Boss to train station, another lift to bus station because trains closed, then one bus, then another bus, then finally a train that moved.  Having significantly more difficulty escaping from Edinburgh.  Got on the plane the day before yesterday in a poisonous mood to begin with because of two nights of sleep deprivation care of drunk Australian snorers in hostel, then sat in plane for a good two hours while it started to snow, then disembarked from the plane after the flight cancelled.  Spent hours in the airport finding luggage, getting online and rebooking ticket for today, which took forever because the RYANAIR website kept crashing.  Then went to get a bus and waited in an increasingly ridiculous queue for hours for a bus that is supposed to run every 15 minutes.  Finally young bus attendant girl came out – road between Edinburgh and airport in full gridlock, buses cancelled, people dying left right and centre.  Numerous crones waiting in the queue with me came out bravely with loud comments like, “Well, you are keeping us informed deary, that's the main thing!” in variety of strong regional accents, each one more hideous than the next.  Not remotely impressed by odious display of stiff upper lippishness – would not be necessary at all if the entire country did not freak out and abandon their cars by the side of the road whenever there is a snowflake in the air.  North America, Canada, the Eastern Block, all of Scandinavia, China, Japan, etc etc etc manage to keep functioning when it snows, but not the UK.  No wonder they lost the world cup to Russia.  You can bet Russia does not collapse in a heap when it snows.  If they did then Putin, with laudable can-do attitude, would have someone shot.  Which is one of the things that the UK does not have enough of: summary executions.   They had a Once In A Century cold snap in January earlier this year, which also shut the entire country down, in a way which Would Never Be Allowed To Happen Again.  Ten months later...

A full NINE HOURS after I had left the first hostel I finally arrived back in Edinburgh at another hostel – there was, I should point out, no gridlock on the road at all – more panic and rumour.  New hostel had no snorers at all in the room, with the possible exception of yours truly (but my snoring is not my problem) and last night I had an entire 8 bed dorm to myself.  So after two nights of reasonable sleep am feeling slightly less toxic and full of hatred towards UK.

That will change if the plane I have now been sitting on for the past hour does not take off.  Missed meeting K at airport in Paris because of panicky Brits – so not happy with them.  She is now in Paris, at the hostel we booked, all alone, probably frightened, almost certainly bereft, weeping non-stop – all of which I blame on UK infrastructure.  Admittedly she sounds cheerful and relaxed on phone; am sure this is just a front. Or an affront...

Looked for a present for K in Edinburgh – warm boots?  No – too heavy and bulky to carry around.  Thermos?  No – too heavy and bulky to carry around.  Camera?  No – she would freak out because she already has one, even if it is a cheap nasty thing I bought in Egypt – consequently new camera would be left in box for months with her eyeing it guiltily from time to time, feeling awful about consumerism or something equally ridiculous.  Several other options considered and discarded because of similar issues.  Finally settled black cloth rose broche thing, which is light, small, completely impractical, and which she will hopefully adore.

Captain just came on air – they are running out of de-icing fluid, for God's sake.  Might not take off, again, despite the fact sun shining, sky blue.  What a totally pathetic country.  Later.  Back in terminal again, having had to get new boarding pass, go through security again, and am now waiting for a flight that is allegedly getting into the air at 4PM.  So pretty happy about showing up at 7AM this morning.  Travel tips: under no circumstances ever fly with RYANAIR.  Under no circumstances ever visit UK during autumn, winter, or early spring – if there is a snowflake seen or even heard about by rumour then entire country will stop and do nothing about it but talk about it on news, in between updates on latest dramas on “I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here!”  These people once ran biggest empire the world has ever known.  Query: how?  If I sound annoyed consider this: draw a straight line east from here you will hit Moscow... yet they are so shocked by snow, even when there has not been any for two full days, that the entire country falls over in a quivering heap.

Photos.  1.  Edinburgh castle.  2.  View from window of plane during first attempt to escape country.  Fair call - taking off in this would have been difficult.  3.  Reducing violence in Scottish pubs.  4.  View of shocking weather too horrific to fly in during second attempt to escape country.

Cheers (!), B.