Big and Little Kiwi

Hey all,

Big Kiwi and Little Kiwi moved in to the house with myself, Canada and Poland, and proved to be good to live with – no comments regarding cleaning dishes necessary and was a pleasant house to be in while they were there.  Both were good to work with, cheerful, funny in very dry Kiwi manner with Big Kiwi being one of those people who continually takes the piss out of everyone and never stopped talking, which may have eventually become trying, but did not, at least for me: did become trying for others:

Big Kiwi: “Blah blah blah blah” [non stop stream of offensive smart ass comments]
Elder Romanian Familiar of Head Romanian: “...”
Big Kiwi: “What?  Nothing to say?” [actually taps her on side of head]
ERFLHR: “Don't do that.”
Big Kiwi: “Just trying to make conversation, you know, make the time pass.”
ERFLHR: “I don't speak English.”
Big Kiwi: “Yes you do.”
ERFLHR: “Not to you.  I don't want to talk to you.”
Big Kiwi: “Whoa!  Why not?”
ERFLHR: “I don't like you.  You have big mouth.”
Big Kiwi momentarily reduced to silence.  General laughter from everyone else

Big Kiwi also distinguished himself by causing trouble with Younger Romanian Familiar of Head Romanian, who had a definite crush on Canada, despite knowing he had a girlfriend, and despite warning glares from head Romanian.  Big Kiwi would ask her things like “So, what do you think of Canada?” which in her romantic optimism of course made her think that Canada had prompted Big Kiwi to ask her things like this because he Really Liked Her.  Several days of complicated if very one sided romantic scandals ensued, culminating in her telling Canada that he should come and Hang Out at the caravans and Watch Television with her.   When this failed, she said that they needed to Have A Talk, managing to corner him into one, where she attempted to kiss him on the lips, which he dodged by turning the cheek, and ran away in fear, lest he be kidnapped by randy young gypsy girl, carried off into the forest, never to be seen again.  Canada, who was by this time getting a bit fed up with Big Kiwi's relentless ability to cause trouble, was prevented from further dramas by the early departure of Big and Little Kiwi, at which point Romanian romantic fantasies subsided dramatically, the fires of her tender heart no longer being stoked by Big Kiwi's plots.

Kiwis become legendary due to scoring big when boss suggested following bet to them:  If Scotland beats the All Blacks, I will by you a case of beer every three days for rest of season.  But if the All Blacks win, you have to buy me a case of beer.  They declined this bet, sensibly enough, given that Scotland has never in its history beaten the All Blacks.  At the supermarket they decided, however, to be smart asses about it, and buy the Boss a case of beer before the game, considering it worth it just to rub in Scotland's hopelessness at rugby.  They gave it to him the following morning.  The neat twist on this was the the Boss forgot the bet he had made, thought that he was supposed to owe them a case every three days if the All Blacks won (which they of course did) and was morally obliged to follow through on a bet he hadn't actually made because his workers had paid their half of a bet (that they didn't make) up front.  Below is a photo of the first of several shipments of beer that he was, for the rest of the season, obliged to pay – especially after Forklift Driver had a serious chat with him, telling him all about the perils of backing out on a bet made with employees – despite Forklift Driver knowing full well that the Boss had got the bet back to front, having been told by me.  I think it made his day.

Photos.  1.  First shipment of beer to Kiwis for following couple of weeks.  2, 3.  Icicles two stories long from the head of the window in the bathroom, laced through a creeper shrub thing in front of the house, that later fell down because of the weight of the icicles.

Cheers, B.