Friday, October 22, 2010

The Horror Movie Mystery

Hey all,

A day late in posting this, but anyway...

Slept in – got up – got stuck in the lift on the way down towards the coffee. Pressed the alarm button once – nothing happened. Waited for a bit, pressed it again. Nothing happened. Opened up the internal doors myself – the lift was close to ground level, but not quite there – and I couldn't open the external doors. Pressed the alarm button again, longer this time. Waited. Nothing happened. Was getting annoyed now – needing a coffee and wanting some attention. Pressed it again, for ages, started kicking the door. Finally one of the women that works here showed up. She was in a greater panic than I was: “Oh! I don't know what to do!!” but it was around then that I figured out how to open the external doors from the inside – so escaped to freedom and caffeine.

Then got on a bus to go to this place way up in the hills but still within the bus lines of Firenze to see about some work. Got on the right bus, but going in the wrong direction. Stayed on the bus until the end of the line and waited for it to turn around. K called. While talking to her I missed the address I was supposed to be looking for so, again, stayed on the bus until the other end of the line, waited, turned around. It was about now that I discovered that I had the right street but the wrong number anyway; finally got off more or less in the right place, having had a long and quite enjoyable bus drive through the hills that surround Florence. Spoke to the receptionist at the office who gave me an email address and a name to send a CV to – which I have done – I confidently await a quick response offering me limitless wealth.

Dinner tonight was fantastic (with model agent, jewellery designer, jewellery designer's friend, henceforth referred to as “the vegan”) – even better than the one I was shouted in Sardinia. I stood out a bit, my entire outfit costing less than a single sleeve of what everyone else in the room was wearing, but that didn't really bother me. The girls made an impression on entry: every bloke in the room stopped, watched them intently for a moment, realised they were in company and quickly pretended they hadn't paid any attention at all. Their women were not fooled – they realised they had lost the focus of their men for a brief second and quickly discovered the reasons, studying them even more intently and a lot less furtively. One blonde woman, just at the point where adulthood is slipping into middle age despite a desperate rear-guard action of lotions and surgery, stared at jewellery designer with such concentrated malice that I assumed they were sworn enemies for life. But no. They barely knew each other.

Astonishingly good food – this one thing that was basically butter, warm anchovies in olive oil and toast - was so delicious that I would have eaten it even if it had been made with baby seals or required the exploitation of entire third world countries.  Vegan had to content herself with salad, spinach, and cigarettes – have you ever known a health obsessed vegan who didn't smoke? They need some pleasure in life I suppose. Service was good too – at one point model agent complained that the lights were too bright – the entire restaurant was promptly dimmed.

I ate and listened to the running commentary on the rest of the diners. There were all given nick-names – eg. one truly evil looking bloke who was christened “Horror Movie.” Horror Movie was a famous playboy, always surrounded by women – my companions wondered how this could be, given that he really did look like he was about to drop fangs or at the very least kill someone just to see how it felt. A little later they decided he did have a very striking nose, at least in profile. By the time the first course was finished they conceded that he was really quite striking, if you liked that sort of thing. By desert they were wondering what he was like in bed. By the desert wine they had concluded he was certainly fantastic – a Cassanova, a marvel, a prodigy, a magician. They peered thoughtfully at him out of the corners of their eyes right up until the time we left. The mystery of Horror Movie's success: solved.

Photos: 1. It really is lovely. 2. Another stunning church that I had tried to get into the last time I was here, but couldn't. 3. The pile of spinach the vegan pretended to enjoy and I took a photo of because I thought it was so ridiculous to order this kind of thing at a restaurant that amazing – she must have picked up what I thought about eating this way based on subtle cues like the way I was laughing at her and pointing – she did not appreciate it and vandalised the photo as I was taking it.

Cheers, B.

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